07/04/2022
In a hilarious Twitter thread last week, user @phoenixvalue asked “what was your favorite, most memorable sign of the top?”
The infamous Matt Damon crypto commercials, pet rock NFTs, pornstar Lana Rhoades posing with The Intelligent Investor, a coked-out guy cussing out Elon onstage at Bitcoin Miami, AMC apes, Bezos in space, and my personal favorite—this unforgettable gem.
Just think about explaining this stuff to a kid in 20 years… you can’t.
But while we’re already looking back on insanity on the last year, we’re probably not even close to the bottom in some of the crazier “tech” names. When you actually think about the valuations vs. the BS narratives pushed by management, it’s a long, long way down.
Peace out.
Mike
Featured Article
How Low Can the Tech Stock Implosion Go?
by Mike, Tycoonist Creator
Stocks
With many of these hype stocks down 70%, 80%, 90%from the 2021 highs, surely it’s time to buy the fucking dip (BTFD), right?
Not so fast.
Case in Point: Affirm ($AFRM), a so-called ‘buy now pay later’ company. The BS narrative is that it’s a “fintech” payments firm, when in reality, it’s just a subprime lender. At the 2021 peak, Affirm stock traded for $176 a share. Today, it’s down 90% to $17.
However, most low-quality lenders trade below tangible book value, implying another massive decline for Affirm stock.
Silicon Valley BS: Investing “narratives” are attractive because they preclude the need to actually think hard about what a company does. Shady tech CEOs have exploited this human weakness for storytelling in order to gorge themselves on investor money.
Business Bites
News, Memes, and More From Around the Internet
Open Ponzi Schemes: WTF?!
Crypto
In what has now become a regular occurrence, embattled exchange operator CoinFlex suspended withdrawals last week as a “protective measure” amid an ongoing collapse in cryptocurrency values. The company then announced that it would raise funds with a new token yielding 20%, in an effort to resume withdrawals.
Is it just me, or does that sound exactly like a Ponzi scheme unraveling?
In a surreal Bloomberg interview, CoinFlex CEO Mark Lamb insisted that although “crypto is generally on the cutting edge of finance…right now we can’t have withdrawals.” You can’t make this shit up!
The CoinFlex classic comes on the heels of another bizarre farce that unfolded on Fox Business, where the creators of the “Elon GOAT Token” shilled their scam live on the news.
2009: Bernie Madoff sentenced to 150 years in prison for running the largest Ponzi scheme in history.
2022: Crypto swindlers describe running pyramid schemes on network television with no consequences.
Review: ExxonMobil at the Crossroads
Documentary
How is ExxonMobil planning for the end of oil?
Spoiler alert: it isn’t.
The 135-year-old company that once formed the core of John D. Rockefeller’s empire has pivoted numerous times. At one point, it focused on producing kerosene to replace whale oil. It then shifted toward gasoline during the automobile age. Will ExxonMobil transform again in response to the green energy transition? CEO Darren Woods says the company is modeling robust demand until 2040, so probably not.
Then there’s the climate change imbroglio. Does ExxonMobil honestly give a shit? The company is developing carbon capture technology, but management says that it needs prices to reach $100 per ton of carbon for the venture to be viable—so again, probably not.
ExxonMobil clearly doesn’t see itself at a crossroads; for better or for worse, it’s driving straight ahead.
More highlights: ExxonMobil’s most promising new ‘ultra-deepwater’ project lies in the waters off Guyana, a tiny South American nation of 800,000 people. The offshore rigs could produce 1.2M barrels of oil per day (bpd) by 2027.
ExxonMobil’s less well-known chemicals division, which generated a record $7.8B in profits last year, is surging on increased demand for plastic.
The crown jewel of the company’s energy asset portfolio lies in the Permian Basin, where hydraulic fracking once again made the U.S. the world’s top oil producer.
Memes and Sarcasm
Happy 4th of July! Has anyone asked Zuck if he can do this in the metaverse?
It should have ended that day, but the stock was allowed to endure.
Sam Bankroll-Fried or Sam Bankrupt-Fried?
Last Week’s Issue
Contact
Email mike@tycoonist.co or reach out on social media.